On August 15-18, MASHOUT was held at a brand new location in Cumberland MD, just minutes west of Popenoe Mountain, where it had been held for many years until 2013. The new location had a big field that could accommodate everyone (although the parking area was on a hill a few hundred yards away so some people camped there), a very nice pavilion with electricity, and, for the first time ever at MASHOUT, bathrooms with sinks and flush toilets. It was much better than Fort Royale Farm, where MASHOUT was basically a mudfest in 2017 and 2018. At least I hope it was mud.

Thursday. I drove out there with my old friend Mike, who hadn't been to MASHOUT for 11 years. We arrived before noon, set up our tent, and went to Keg Row, which was under the pavilion and in the larval stage of development as kegs were trickling in. Fagner and his Rainbow Coalition came down from their campsite on Queer Hill to make sure MASHOUT didn't get too hetero.

	Not gay at all, Jay.

Afterward a bunch of us went to Camp CRABS to have Jay's Russian stout at Mini Keg Row, which was Keg Circle this year because the kegs encircled a tree. It was a very good beer, but since Jay had brought only a gallon, it lasted about as long as my annual prostate exam.

There is a creek that runs along the main camping area. Mindy and Handsome Rob, who had gotten married a few months earlier, went in, and a trout Epsteined itself right in front of them. Buck came over and retrieved it for later cooking. Coincidentally, I happened to be wearing my Happy Fisherman T-shirt. On a semi-related note, I was not the only one wearing American flag shorts this year. Handsome Rob sported a pair, not to mention a flag swimsuit underneath, and Mindy donned a flag swimsuit as well. Rob and I got up close and personal because, well, we just can't keep our butts off each other.

Late in the aternoon we had rain, and since we were on grass rather than dirt this year, there was no mud. The previous MASHOUT location had gotten muddier than Pete Buttigieg's love hole.

Dinner consisted of CRABS creations including Jester's homemade blood sausage (heh heh), Jay's pork belly, and my Thai pasta crap. There was also whisky and a great root beer-flavored moonshine. Fagner was conspicuously absent as he was too tired to make it down. Apparently OBGYN exams are exhausting.

Afterward we drank at Keg Row, where I counted 45 beers, a mead, and a cider. Commercial beer donors included Old Trade, 1812, Silver Branch, Franklin's, Deschutes, Parkway, Front Street, Bear Chase, B.C. Brewery, Dig Deep, Gordon Biersch, and DC Brau. The pavilion was well lit and a DJ played great classic rock.

We got some more rain. Later at Camp CRABS we ate some Little Debbie Snatchcakes while Rachel and Craig cooked up a batch of bison/beef/venison chili, which they served after midnight as a "4^th meal" because gluttony is our middle name.

Friday. After taking advantage of the indoor plumbing, Mike and I drove to Rocky Gap State Park to shave, shit (again), and shower.

Then we came back to Camp CRABS where folks ate breakfast while Jay played with his meat.

By the way, kudos to Craig and Rachel who set up a nice dishwashing station.

After breakfast several of us had beer at some campsites and Keg Row. Meanwhile at Mini Keg Circle the most interesting (i.e., shitty) beer was Trevor's Michelada, a concoction containing beer, clamato, tomato juice, lime juice, Worcestershire sauce, soy sauce, hate, and jizz.

The weather was great: mostly sunny, dry, and warm. At 1:00ish it was time for Deep Fry-Day. This year we fried many things including corn dogs, tortilla chips, meatballs, eggs (both raw and hard-boiled), pizza bites, onions, pickles, Oreos, turkey burgers, sweet potato fries, marshmallows, and various Little Debbie Snatchcakes (Oatmeal Creme Pies, Devil Cremes, and Star Crunches). Next year we should supply an industrial size bottle of Lipitor.

Immediately afterward, at the pavilion, was the 11^th annual Sour Hour. Dozens of folks showed up with sour ales and/or food. Additionally there were eight kinds of cheese, including toe and fomunda.

Shortly thereafter was the return of Firkin Friday, which hadn't taken place at MASHOUT since 2016. For many years Fagner brought a firkin of Duclaw beer when he worked there. This year he brought a firkin of B.C. Brewery's Easy Big Fella!, a 4.3 ABV session IPA, made with 5 kinds of hops and a generous amount of shame.

Then it was back to Camp CRABS for dinner featuring Jay's brisket (the meat he played with that morning), more of my Thai pasta slop, and maybe other foods but I can't remember. Also, some folks went in the creek to get giardia.

Afterward we did an impromptu big beer tasting. The weather was still great. Oh, and someone had the consideration to hang some barf bags.

Around dusk a local band called Last Call played under the pavilion. Keg Row had grown to 50 beers, an impressive number not only because it was the most I'd ever seen in my 25 years attending MASHOUT, but also because attendance was lower than usual, so there was a lot of beer per person. Of course, one of them was a pilsner that Shithouse brewed at Manor Hill, so maybe we should limit the number of beers in the future.

After midnight, Craig brought his skillet to the pavilion and cooked grilled cheese and Spamwiches.

A little after 1:00, Handsome Rob walked my drunken ass back to my tent. It was my first date in two months. Well, my first one that didn't involve lime and a shovel.

Saturday. Mike and I went to Rocky Gap again for showers. At 7:40 AM there were more than 100 vehicles and hundreds of people. (We were the only gringos. Apparently there is a big Hispanic community in the area.) Then we returned for breakfast. Fagner, Shithouse, and company soiled us with their presence.

What's wrong with this photo? I mean, other than the fact that both Fagner and Shithouse are in it?

The weather was perfect: sunny and in the 70s (it would climb into the 80s later in the day). All attendees set about their various activities. Some went on bike rides, others swam in the creek, and I went to the pavilion with the Rainbow Coalition to drink and play cornhole.

Jason arrived around midday and shared a bottle of 3 Fonteinen Oude Geuze. Also someone showed up with a box of homemade wine.

There was a cornhole tournament where 20 randomly paired folks competed for cash and bragging rights.

The annual CRABS Food Competition took place in the early afternoon. This year's theme was noodles. There were 6 entries. The winners were:

3^rd place - Tim and Sue
2^nd place (tie) - Les
2^nd place (tie) - Craig and Rachel
1^st place - Trevor

The judges.

After that we had a spontaneous beer tasting. Then I walked up the hill to Camp Fagner and tasted some more beers. Shithouse slept through most of it because smoking pole takes a lot out of you.

The annual MASHOUT food/beer pairing was held under the pavilion. Among the offerings was a kveik pale ale that the Angry Brothers (Trevor and Rob) had brewed on Wednesday night.

After dark there was music, dancing, poker, and general buggery under the pavilion.

Handsome Rob gave a not-suitable-for-children display that should not be viewed by anyone. So naturally I filmed it.

Shortly after midnight about 15 or 20 of us went to Camp CRABS for horrible jokes. Craig cooked pancakes, bacon, and eggs, thus sealing up our arteries for good.

Sunday. We packed up our stuff and what little dignity we still had, and headed back to civilization to dry out our tents and our livers.

Some memorable quotes from the weekend:

• "Could you blow my dip tube out?"
• "Carbonated water is for fags."
• "You can't control Mother Nature. All you can do is bang her in the ass and hope for the best."
• "I can get gayer."
• "You've got dick all over you."
• "Gopher is code for dildo."
• "Shut up woman and put my meat in your mouth."
• "That is a succulent wiener."
• "Ignorance is fun."
• "I think I'm ready for some more chlamydia."
• "It's all over but the sharting."