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The 31st anal -- uh, annual -- MASHOUT was held on August 16-19. As usual, some miscreants showed
up a day early on Wednesday. I was one of them, now that I'm retired and I have all the time in the world to be a burden on
society. Like I wasn't already.
This gay-la event took place at Fort Royale Farm for the second year in a row. Attendance was 115 - the lowest it'd been in quite a while. Perhaps it was because the venue is very spread out rather than having one big field for everyone. Or maybe it was because of last year's contest to see who had the biggest prison wallet.
Wednesday. Early arrivers included Keith, Kara, Jeff, Jen, and I. Grover got delayed because his NAMBLA meeting ran late. We had some food, beer, and spirits, then some of us hung out with Buck and his wife, who had a lot of booze at their site. Then a few of us walked through the muddy woods (mud would be a constant theme throughout the weekend) to the NoVA tent. Only 8 NoVA members attended this year but they brought 17 kegs. One guy had a cooler full of many different canned craft brews, and he shared some of them. Afterward we returned to Buck's site. I missed most of what happened after that due to passing out, but rumor has it that a chair got broken in an incident involving Grover, Keith, and a lap dance gone wrong.
Thursday. After breakfast some of us hung out at Buck's, then I went to Keg Row, which was more like Keg Corner because it was situated under plywood sheets next to the stage. Fagner showed up with some beers from B.C. Brewery, where he is now brewing after many years fucking things up at Duclaw. Jason and I brought out some bottles, and he also brought out some canned Stillwater beers that Brian Strumke had given him. Throughout the day Keg Corner went from nothing to more than 30 beers on tap as folks and kegs steadily trickled in. It was a nice warm, partly sunny day except for a little rain and thunder. By dinnertime Keg Corner and the stage had about 40 people, including various homos playing poker.
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At Camp CRABS we ate dinner, including some great ribs from Jay. Afterward Grover managed to break another chair, but at least this time no one else was sitting in it. Then he gave us a floor show that was so gut-wrenching that I threw up in Jester's mouth. I can safely say that filming it was the worst three and a half minutes of my life, unless you count the time I had sex with my English teacher (which wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't been home schooled).
The ground was wet and muddy. Remember how on Popenoe Mountain we used to have CRABS Hill? Well, at Fort Royale we had CRABS Swamp.
By midnight most CRABSters had left camp (i.e., they drained the swamp) while a few of us stayed behind. Craig and Rachel cooked some midnight snacks.
Friday. It had rained overnight, which was good because if there's one thing the place needed, it was more mud. We ate breakfast in our little mud pit while Jay handled his meat.
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Then several of us wasted the rest of our morning at Keg Corner. Some of the guys played cornhole. More people arrived and added kegs to the lineup, including Shithouse, who brought one - just one - beer from 3 Stars, the cheap Jew. In addition to the beers that Fagner and Shithouse brought, there were commercial beers from Front Street, Mad Fox, Right Proper, DC Brau, Gordon Biersch, Deschutes, Franklins, and Parkway Brewing. The keg total went over 40, which was more than some years when attendance was much higher.
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At 1:00 it was the 10th annual sour hour, where dozens of sour ales, both commercial and home brewed, were featured. Jon Blair brought one of his koelships, which held the homebrews. It rained during the event, but no one cared. The crowd voted for their favorite homebrews, and the winning brewers were:
3rd place (tie) - Joel Gallihue (CRABS)
3rd place (tie) - Ben Schwalb (CRABS)
2nd place (tie) - Jason Heinen (CRABS)
2nd place (tie) - Wendy Aaronson (BURP)
1st place - Webster Anderson (NoVA)
Webster won a case of Stillwater cans. After that I have no recollection. I was standing, talking, and sampling, and the next thing I knew I was sitting in a chair in front of the koelship.
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Shithouse escorted me back to CRABS Swamp, where Deep Fryday was underway. Fried foods included broccoli, cauliflower, onion rings, chicken, french fries, and Spam.
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Then we had dinner, the highlight being Jay's brisket and ribs.
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After that the Black Falls Band, featuring CSI's Dominic Cantalupo on drums, played two great sets of blues. It was a nice little venue as they shared the stage with everyone else. Many of us danced until well after midnight. Several CRABS hooligans took off their shirts (not me this time) and let everyone enjoy their pasty, sweaty torsos. I hadn't seen that many fat, half-naked men since my bar-mitzvah. Handsome Rob (who from here onward shall be known as Sweaty Rob) rubbed his large, wet frame against me. It was the fourth most disgusting thing that happened to me that day.
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In the wee hours Craig and Rachel did some more late night cooking as they made grilled cheese and pancakes. Also they deserve kudos for the dishwashing and handwashing stations that they provided.
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Saturday. It rained again overnight, thus ensuring that we had plenty of mud. After breakfast several of us drank at Keg Corner, then walked over to NoVA, with Fagner complaining about how hot and sunny it was under cloudy skies that threatened rain. While we were at NoVA we got a torrential downpour. The walk back through the woods was quite tricky as it was muddier than a rump wrangler's wedding night.
Back at CRABS Swamp it was time for the CRABS food competition. This year's theme was wrappy things.
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The winners were:
3rd place - Chris + Nancy
2nd place - Grover and Deana
1st place - Rob Farrell
Joel showed up with his entry a few minutes after the winners were announced, and do you know that those CRABStards wouldn't let him enter? I pled a very coherent case for letting him enter ("Hey, let him enter") but to no avail. Hey CRABS, why do you hate America?
After that I visited the Poker Guys. No, not the CRABS turd burglars who play a few times each MASHOUT. I mean *the* Poker Guys, a group of men who live all over the country and for whom MASHOUT has been their annual reunion for many years. They play poker for several hours each day and they always bring a great assortment of commercial brews.
After that we went to the annual food-beer pairing. The straights enjoyed food and beer while the pillow biters played poker.
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Chuck and Helen Popenoe, who hosted MASHOUT for over 20 years, showed up. It was Chuck's birthday (86th I think). Pictured below from left to right are Fagner, me, Bill Ridgely (the only person who has been to every MASHOUT), Shithouse, Boy Chris, and Chuck.
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Then the whole CRABS entourage went back to CRABS Swamp for a big beer tasting and jokes. Tears of laughter streamed down my face. I hadn't cried so much since my wedding night. After that we returned to Keg Corner and the stage to spend our last night making revelry. Dominic provided music through the speakers from his phone, and folks danced all evening. There was also a kazoo symphony. Craig and Jeff entertained us with synchronized shirtless dancing.
Sunday. We packed up our muddy tents, coolers, and what was left of our dignity. Despite the rain and mud it had been a great MASHOUT. Quantity of people might have been lower than usual, but quality is what it's all about. Also, having Keg Row/Corner right next to the stage made a nice central location for people to gather. No matter what the weather or the venue, we will be back for many MASHOUTS to come!
Some memorable quotes from the weekend: