We arrived on Friday and set up Camp CRABS. The weather was pretty good except for the monsoon. We'd like to thank Shelly for making it thunder and rain on us that afternoon as she did the last time she came to MASHOUT.

Keg Row was lined with dozens of brews, both homemade and commercial. Several breweries made donations that deserve recognition: Victory Brewing's Prima Pils; Brooklyn Brewery's Pilsner; Ellicott Mills's Alpenhof Dopplebock and Alpenhof Märzen; Baltimore Brewing's DeGroens Pils; Capitol City's Kölsch; and Johansson's Hoodlehead Pale Ale. There was also some crap by a Mickey Mouse operation called DuClaw Brewing. No, actually Jim brought DuClaw's Venom Pale Ale, Sawtooth Wit, and Devil's Milk Barleywine, all of which were terrific.

We had our first beer tasting after dark, although it didn't last very long, maybe because we were drinking Bigfoot Barleywine and John's Russian imperial mead. Jim managed to fall off his chair, but in his defense, he was not the only one to suffer this mishap that weekend.

We didn't just sit around and drink all weekend. We ate too. No, really, a number of us went on a Death March during the Friday night festivities. We basically hiked in the woods for an undetermined amount of time which, according to various estimates, was somewhere between 20 minutes and 12 hours. Jim discovered a new species of animal: the Rocky Gap Crotch Cricket, which he claimed had bitten him in his hop pellets, if you get my drift. In reality, the only casualty was Bo Lenck, who fell in the dark and scraped his leg. We all stopped for a pee break, at which time Jim found another new species: the Morning Wood Tree. As we came back to the MASHOUT site, Jim had a brilliant idea to "scare the shit out of them", so he ordered everyone to be quiet and turn their flashlights off, and, after nearly two full seconds of walking without the aid of artificial light, he had a near-death experience and, using a certain expletive, ordered that the flashlights be turned back on.

We had a great breakfast on Saturday in which we all contributed food and beverages and filled our arteries. Thanks to John and Jacqui for doing the cooking.

Some of us went to the barn on Saturday to witness the first ever MASHOUT wedding. It was a nice, short ceremony that lasted only 15 minutes, though it was still more than three times the length of the ceremony that Ben has planned for when he marries Cathi.

Water balloons were out in full force. It started out with an innocent game of balloon catch, using hand-held nets. It eventually escalated into a full-scale war as folks down the hill launched Scuds at us, but our team of eight full-grown men successfully defended Camp CRABS against the two women and three children who threatened our peaceful existence. Several battles were fought during the weekend, including guerilla warfare tactics in which Viet Cong children sneaked into our camp and hit us with balloon grenades.

After a much-needed shower at Rocky Gap Park, several of us got quesadillas, homemade champagne and porter, and fresh strawberries with chocolate dip at one of the tent sites.

Congratulations to James Previtt whose weizenbock took 2nd place in the wheat beer contest out of 22 entries!

A few hours before the Saturday night feast we had our second beer tasting. There were more beers than you could shake a hydrometer at, but here is a partial list: Dogfish Head Worldwide Stout, Sam Adams Triple Bock (1994), Weyerbach Blithering Idiot Barleywine, Weyerbach Raspberry Stout, Delirium Tremens, three kinds of Chimay, Fin du Monde, a couple of gueuezes, Lindeman's Kriek, Lindeman's Framboise, Boon Kriek, Boon Framboise, and several homebrews, including John's millennium mead and a 1979 bottle of wine. We attracted quite a crowd as dozens of other campers came to our site to taste some of our beers and join the mayhem. Jim got out the breathalyzer, which a lot of people exhaled into and got BAC readings. Bo and Ben were the first ones to go off the scale, registering at about thrice the legal limit. Way to go!

While folks from other clubs played volleyball and horseshoes, we played a "hip thrust" game consisting of three small baskets and a ball hanging by a string. The game is worn around your waist and you "thrust" in order to get the ball into one of the baskets. Jay Spies of Cross Street Irregulars, who hung out with us all weekend, scored a perfect 300-point game. I'm glad I didn't sleep in his tent.

After gorging ourselves at the Saturday night feast, there was a small beer tasting and a long session of joke-telling. Jim and Ben were the main culprits, inundating the rest of us with the stupidest, sickest jokes you'd ever want to hear. The insanity continued for hours until everyone had either gone off to Keg Row or the barn or had passed out.

On a humorous note, a pair of shorts and a used condom were found by the barn on Sunday morning. Perhaps Bill Clinton paid us a visit?

The Sunday morning brunch consisted of pancakes, eggs, potatoes, bacon, sausage, juice and coffee. Tom and Art helped cook down at the community site as we all pigged out again.

BURP organizes other events, such as Spirit of Belgium and Spirit of Free Beer. Check them out at http://www.burp.org if you haven't already, and plan to attend MASHOUT next year!