Neither snow nor cold kept us from the 7th annual Extreme Beer Fest. John, Les and I left Maryland at o'dark thirty and arrived in Beantown in under 6 hours, which was far less time than it had taken in previous years. Maybe it's because we took a different route that was shorter. Maybe it was because John drives like Jeff Gordon on crack.

We checked into the Doubletree Hotel and then spent 15 minutes driving less than half a mile to a parking garage. As we were waiting at a stoplight I reminded John that we were in Boston, so he immediately cut someone off. Hey, when in Rome...

Everyone in Boston is wicked retahdid. Pedestrians walk in front of your car. Drivers either cut in front of you or stop for no comprehensible reason. Or both.

As we ascended the parking garage we noticed that various asswipes had deliberately taken up two spaces. After we parked I suggested that we key all of the offending vehicles and leave angry notes, but that would have taken valuable beer-drinking time.

The smell of the Boston subway (called the T) has not changed since I was a child, which is both comforting and disturbing. We rode to the Sunset Grille, which has 112 taps and hundreds of kinds of bottled beer. It has nice decor featuring murals, tap handles, neon signs, beer labels, beer bottles, license plates, barrels, and metal beer posters. I got the all-you-can-eat taco bar in order to lay down a big base for all the beer I was to consume that day and evening. I had 7 plates, and I could have had more but I didn't want to make a pig of myself.

This place offers both 5-ounce samples and 2-ounce "shooters". We got several of each:

1. Ipswich Blueberry Ale (which had blueberries in the glass). Nice aroma. Pretty good flavor.
2. Pizza Port Wipeout. Good hoppy aroma and flavor.
3. 21st Amendment Golden Doom. Pretty good somewhat estery aroma and flavor.
4. Allagash Four. Not much aroma. Good tart, malty flavor.
5. Southern Tier Unearthly. Good malty aroma. Nice hoppy, malty, alcoholic flavor.
6. Verhaeghe Duchesse de Bourgogne. Fairly good sweet, sour aroma. Good sweet, plummy, slightly sour flavor. Sweeter than it's been in years past.
7. Duvel Moortgat Cuvee du Jacobin Rouge. Nice sour, sweet aroma. Nice sour, sweet, fruity flavor. Nice aftertaste
8. Pizza Port Angel's Share. Nice plummy, fruity, port-like aroma. Pretty good port-like, plummy, alcoholic flavor with dry aftertaste.
9. Atwater Dirty Blonde. Smoky? Phenolic? Definitely off.
10. Avery Digana IPA. Good somewhat hoppy aroma. Quite good hoppy flavor with good malt backbone.
11. Left Hand 400 Pound Monkey. Not much aroma. Good smooth, malty/hoppy flavor.
12. Allagash Interlude. Good tart/Bretty aroma. Good malty, Bretty, slightly hoppy flavor.
13. Smuttynose Wheat Wine. Good sweet, malty, slightly hoppy aroma. Quite good hoppy/malty flavor.
14. Ithaca Smoked Porter. Good smoky, roast aroma. Good smoky, roasty, sweet flavor.

We then ordered a glass of Monk's Cafe's Flemish Sour (brewed by Van Steenberge). It had a good plummy, tart aroma and a good sweet, plummy, fruity, slightly tart, smooth flavor. We finished with a bomber (22-ounce bottle) of Goose Island 2009 Sofie. Twenty percent of this saison consists of ale ages in wine barrels with orange peels. It had a nice estery/hoppy aroma and a nice crisp, clean, estery, hoppy flavor. Then, after 3 hours of drinking, we went out to drink.

We arrived at the Night of the Barrels session a mere 18 minutes before the start, the result being that there were several hundred people waiting ahead of us. As soon as we entered we ditched our coats and headed straight for the Lost Abbey booth, which already had about 30 people waiting in line. Here is a synopsis of the evening's libations, which you'll have to take with a grain of salt because I was drunk. Remember that each beer has been touched by wood (heh heh), either by being aged in a wooden vessel or by being flavored with wood chips.

1. Lost Abbey 2010 Double Red Poppy. Nice sweet and sour aroma. Good sweet, somewhat tart flavor. Good tart aftertaste.
2. Lost Abbey Angel's Share Grand Cru. Nice plummy flavor.
3. Lost Abbey Older Viscosity. Nice plummy aroma and flavor.
4. St. Louis Schlafly Reserve Oak-Aged Barleywine (untoasted). Sweet. Not bad.
5. St. Louis Schlafly Reserve Oak-Aged Barleywine (medium toast). Sweet, woody aroma. Tart, oxidized flavor.
6. St. Louis Schlafly Reserve Oak-Aged Barleywine (medium+ toast). A little better than the medium toast.
7. St. Louis Schlafly Reserve Oak-Aged Barleywine (heavy toast). Similar to the medium+ toast.
8. Southern Tier Oak-Aged Cuvee #2. Good malty aroma. Pretty good cloying, malty flavor.
9. The Bruery Oude Tart. Nice sour, malty aroma. Good light, sour, malty flavor.
10. The Bruery Black Tuesday (19.5% ABV). Nice sweet, roasty, woody aroma. Nice roasty, woody flavor.
11. Russian River Temptation. Nice refreshing semi-tart, slightly sweet aroma. Nice sour flavor with light body.
12. Russian River Consecration. Quite good sour aroma. Good quite sour flavor.
13. Russian River Supplication. Nice sweet and sour aroma. Good sour flavor.
14. Odell Bourbon Barrel Stout. Not much aroma. Good sweet, woody, alcoholic flavor.
15. New England Brewing Wet Willy Scotch Ale. Sweet. Cloying. Pretty good.
16. Stone 2006 Double Bastard. Nice malty aroma. Nice woody, alcoholic flavor.
17. Ithaca Hot and Sour (aged in Tabasco barrels). Tabasco aroma. Flavor is too hot. Even worse going down.
18. Laughing Dog Dogfather. Nice rich, roasty aroma. Good rich, roasty flavor.
19. Innis & Gunn Oak Aged Beer. Loaded with diacetyl. Bd.
20. Hopping Frog Barrel-Aged B.O.R.I.S. Nice roasty aroma. Good flavor.
21. Ithaca $5 Shake (?). Peppery aroma. Light. Good pepper flavor. Not hot. (This might have actually been a different beer. So sue me.)
22. Schmaltz Brewing Barrel-Aged Origins. Pretty good tart flavor.
23. Schmaltz Brewing Jewbelation Bar-Mitzvah. Not much aroma. Sweet flavor.
24. Sierra nevada Que Syrah Syrah Brown Saison. Not much aroma. Good somewhat tart, refreshing, slightly hoppy flavor.
25. Weyerbacher Idiot's Drool Barleywine. Good woody aroma. Nice woody, sour flavor.
26. Mayflower Barleywine. Nice hoppy aroma. Good hoppy, somewhat malty flavor.
27. John Harvard Rum Barrel Barleywine. Not much aroma. Pretty good somewhat hoppy flavor.
28. Bershire Brewing Rum Barrel-Aged Shabadoo. Somewhat malty aroma. Fairly good sweet, somewhat tart flavor.
29. Van Honsebrouck Bacchus. Good slightly sweet/tart aroma. Good refreshing, light, slightly sweet/tart flavor.
30. Boston Beer Co. Samuel Adams Bourbon Barrel-Aged Utopias (27% ABV). Nice woody, alcoholic aroma. Very good woody, alcoholic, malty flavor.
31. Boulevard Brewing Bourbon Barrel Quad. Good somewhat hoppy/tart aroma. Good hoppy, slightly tart flavor. Light for a quad.
32. Captain Lawrence Fool's Gold Blend 2010. Good somewhat tart aroma. Good somewhat sour flavor. Light.
33. Captain Lawrence Sour Night at the Fritz. Good sour aroma and flavor.
34. Captain Lawrence Xtreme Blend 2010. Good malty, somewhat tart aroma. Decent sour, malty, weird flavor. Light.
35. Captain Lawrence Double Secret Sour Sauce. Good sour aroma. Decent sour flavor.
36. Cambridge Brewing Resolution. Pretty good semi-tart aroma. Unique, somewhat tart, slightly spicy flavor.
37. Cambridge Brewing Darkest Night. Good caramelly, malty, roasty aroma. Roasty, light flavor.
38. Cascade Brewing Kriek Ale. Nice cherry, sour aroma. Quite good refreshing, tart, fruity flavor.
39. Avery Sui Generis. Good fruity aroma. Fairly good sour, slightly fruity flavor.
40. Dogfish Head Wrath of Pecan. Decent smoky aroma and flavor.
41. Cisco Brewers Full and Bye. Good semi-sour, perfumy aroma. Good refreshing, sour flavor.
42. Cisco Brewers Dark Wood. Good sort of roasty, complex aroma. Nice hoppy, tart, slightly roasty flavor.
43. Full Sail Imperial Porter Brewmaster Reserve 2008. Good woody aroma. Decent woody, malty flavor.
44. Full Sail Imperial Porter Brewmaster Reserve 2010. Less woody aroma than the 2008. More hoppy, pungent flavor. Better.
45. Haverhill Brewery Brumaire Belgian Stout. Good sour ale. Not like a stout at all.
46. Great Divide Oak-Aged Yeti. Nice woody, hoppy, slightly roasty aroma. Good woody, slightly roasty flavor with good hop balance.
47. Haverhill Brewery Joshua Norton. Good roasty aroma and flavor.
48. Founders Hand of Doom. Nice sweet, slightly hoppy aroma. Quite good fruity/spicy/hoppy/sweet/light flavor.
49. Fifty Fifty brewing 2009 Imperial Eclipse Stout. Good woody, alcoholic aroma. Good woody, sweet, alcoholic flavor.
50. Founders Canadian Breakfast Stout. Nice coffee aroma. Nice coffee, sweet flavor.
51. Founders Black Biscuit. Slightly tart aroma. Pretty good sweet/spicy flavor.
52. Founders nemesis. Good malty, sweet, honey-like aroma. Pretty good sweet/spicy, slightly hoppy flavor.
53. Boston Beer Co. Samuel Adams American Kriek. Good but artificial fruity aroma. Fairly good artificial fruity flavor.
54. Arcadia Brewing Shipwreck Porter. Good sweet, slightly hoppy aroma. Decent, somewhat tart flavor.
55. Boston Beer Co. Samuel Adams Wee Heavy. Fairly good very smoky aroma and flavor.
56. Avery Samael's Oak-Aged Ale (16.45% ABV). Good somewhat roasty/malty aroma. Nice sweet, malty, woody, alcoholic flavor.
57. Avery Brabant Barrel-Aged Wild Ale. Marginal funky aroma and tart flavor.
58. Avery Black Tot Imperial Oatmeal Stout. Good sweet aroma. Pretty good roasty, woody, alcoholic flavor.
59. Allagash 2006 Odyssey. Not much aroma. Not quite a stout.
60. Odell Brewing Wood Cut #3 Oak-Aged Crimson Ale. Good hoppy, malty aroma. Fairly good woody, somewhat malty/hoppy flavor.
61. Rogue John John Dead Guy Ale. Not much aroma. Decent refreshing, light, alcoholic flavor.
62. Pike Pub & Brewery Pike Entire Wood-Aged Stout. Fairly good slightly tart aroma. Fairly good somewhat roasty flavor.
63. White Birch Brewery Barrel-Aged Barleywine. Somewhat tart aroma. Pretty good tart flavor.
64. Willimantic Dickel Barrel-Aged Willi FunkHammer Barleywine. Pretty good slightly tart aroma. Pretty good tart flavor.
65. Cascade Brewery Kriek Ale 2008. Nice sour aroma and flavor.

Afterward we walked to a packie (that's Bostonian for liquor store). John and Les bought some beer while I drunk-dialed a friend. Then we picked up some Thai food and brought it back to the room. In our inebriated state we had forgotten to get utensils, so we ate with a plastic spoon and a wooden skewer. We drank a bottle of Two Brothers Brewing Cane & Ebel, which had a nice malty, semi-hoppy aroma and a good malty, somewhat hoppy flavor. Then I passed out and I assume John and Les did too, although for the rest of the weekend the two of them winked at each other knowingly whenever I mentioned that my butt hurt.

Les snored like a 300-horsepower chainsaw as usual, and my earplugs did little to block the noise. Fortunately I was so tired that I was able to get back to sleep every time I got woken up. I had also brought some headphone ear protectors, but John snogged those because apparently I snored too.

Saturday morning we all felt pretty good despite the previous day's sampling of more than 80 beers. Remember the all-you-can-eat taco bar I had? Well, let's just say that the Browns made it to the Super Bowl.

We walked to the South Street Diner for breakfast. This authentic diner was built in 1947. The napkins and sweeteners on our table were in an old metal Barbie lunch box. The food was excellent. So was the coffee, according to Les. Afterward we walked around Chinatown, where they were gearing up for the next day's Chinese New Year celebration.

We walked to the beer fest. We got there at noon - a full hour early - and still had well over 100 people in line ahead of us. The people at the front said that they had gotten there at 11:00. A few people in line had necklaces made from pretzels and string. We called them pretzel-necked geeks.

Upon entering we once again headed straight for the Lost Abbey. Unfortunately we couldn't find it. It turns out that they were the only brewery without a banner, so hardly anyone could locate them. As a result, when we found it we had that brewery pretty much to ourselves. Russian River had a very long line. Also, Dogfish Head had a number of Randalls filled with various substances through which they dispensed several of their beers.

Here is a synopsis of that day's selections:

1. Lost Abbey Barrel-Aged 10 Commandments. Nice plummy aroma. Good plummy flavor.
2. Lost Abbey Sinner's Blend 2009. Somewhat roasty aroma. Good tart flavor.
3. Lost Abbey Serpent Stout. Nice roasty aroma. Good sweet, semi-roasty flavor.
4. Lost Abbey Red Poppy. Good tart aroma and flavor.
5. Ithaca LeBleu. Good sour aroma and flavor.
6. Ithaca Brute. Good hoppy aroma. Nice hoppy/sour flavor.
7. Ithaca Alphalpha. Nice hoppy aroma. Nice very hoppy flavor.
8. Dogfish Head Red & White Meets Randall with Orange Peels. Nice fruity, spicy aroma. Good fruity, spicy flavor.
9. Dogfish Head Burton Baton Meets Randall with Wood Chips. Nice fruity aroma. Nice hoppy, malty, somewhat fruity flavor.
10. Dogfish Head World Wide Stout Meets Randall with Espresso Coffee Beans (18% ABV). Nice very coffee aroma. Nice extremely coffee, somewhat alcoholic flavor.
11. Russian River Pliny the Elder (the first double IPA ever). Nice hoppy aroma. Good very hoppy, somewhat dry flavor.
12. Russian River Pliny the Younger (a triple IPA). Nice hoppy aroma. Nice very hoppy flavor. Better than Pliny the Elder because it was less dry.
13. Wormtown Brewery Peter Piper (with peppers). Good peppery aroma. Decent peppery flavor. Not hot.
14. Wormtown Brewery Medieval Ale (brewed 36 hours before the fest with no hops or spices). Major DMS! Cooked corn aroma and flavor.
15. Stone Old Guardian. Good malty aroma. Quite good malty, somewhat hoppy flavor.
16. Stone Barrel-Aged Russian Imperial Stout. Nice very woody, slightly roast aroma. Nice woody, slightly roasty/sweet flavor.
17. Rogue Morimoto Soba Ale. Nice malty/hoppy aroma. Light watery flavor.
18. Berkshire Brewing Stuck Mash Ale (made with 100% wheat malt). Good somewhat malty aroma. Fairly good clean, light flavor.
19. Berkshire Raspberry-Aged Barleywine. Nice raspberry aroma and flavor.
20. Berkshire Holidale Annual Barleywine. Good somewhat malty, smooth aroma and flavor.
21. Captain Lawrence Captain's Reserve Imperial IPA. Nice hoppy, slightly sweet aroma. Nice smooth, somewhat hoppy/malty flavor.
22. Captain Lawrence Nor Easter Winter Warmer (made with elderberries). Taste and smells like elderberries.
23. Captain Lawrence Golden Delicious (aged in apple brandy barrels). Fairly good aroma. Unpleasant cidery flavor.
24. Weyerbacher XII. Pretty good hoppy/malty aroma and flavor.
25. Weyerbacher '08 Quad. Good sweet, malty, somewhat fruity aroma and flavor.
26. Weyerbacher Idiot's Drool. Nice plummy aroma and flavor.
27. Weyerbacher '09 Heresy. Fairly good slightly roasty aroma. Good smooth flavor.
28. Weyerbacher Tiny (in cask). Good roasty aroma. Good roasty, alcoholic flavor.
29. Cambridge Brewing Reckoning (100% Brett). Good somewhat malty aroma. Pretty good Bretty, malty flavor.
30. Cambridge Cerise Cassée. Good fruity aroma. Good very sour, somewhat fruity flavor.
31. Cambridge Weekapaug Gruit. Good fruity, malty aroma. Watery flavor.
32. Cambridge 2006 Barrel-Aged Heather Ale (Lactobacillus added). Not much aroma. Decent tart, heather flavor.
33. The Bruery Melange No. Sechs (made with beets, cocoa nibs and rose petals). Decent aroma and flavor.
34. The Bruery Mischief. Quite good estery aroma. Quite good estery, hoppyflavor.
35. The Bruery Saison de Lente (Brett-fermented saison). Fairly good Bretty aroma and flavor.
36. Southern Tier Backburner Barleywine. Not much aroma. Good malty/hoppy flavor.
37. Southern Tier Iniquity. Good sweet aroma and flavor.
38. St. Louis Schlafly Oak-Aged Barleywine 2007 or 2008. Nice woody/malty aroma. Good woody/alcoholic flavor.
39. St. Louis Schlafly Reserve Bourbon Barrel-Aged Imperial Stout 2008. Nice woody aroma. Quite good woody, roasty, sweet flavor.
40. Avery the Beast. Good malty, somewhat hoppy aroma. Good malty, somewhat alcoholic flavor.
41. Avery Dugana IPA. Nice hoppy aroma. Good hoppy flavor.
42. Avery Miphistopheles' Stout (16+% ABV). Quite good roasty aroma. Quite good roasty, sweet flavor.
43. Sierra Nevada 1994 Bigfoot. Nice hoppy, malty aroma. Good hoppy/malty flavor.
44. Sierra Nevada Brandy Barrel-Aged Belgian Trippel. Quite good estery, alcoholic aroma. Fairly good floral flavor.
45. Sierra Nevada Chocolate Chili Imperial Stout. Good semi-roasty aroma. Fairly good peppery, roasty flavor.
46. Sierra Nevada Hoptimum. Good hoppy, somewhat estery aroma and flavor.
47. Lost Abbey Double Framboise Lambique. Nice very fruity aroma. Nice fruity, tart flavor.
48. Short's Brewing Plum Rye Bock. Fairly good malty aroma. Decent malty flavor.
49. Short's Brewing Pistachio Créme Ale. Not much aroma. Decent creamy flavor.
50. Cisco Brewers Baggywrinkle Barleywine. Good hoppy, malty aroma. Pretty good clean, hoppy, somewhat malty flavor.
51. Cisco Brewers Lady of the Woods. Nice fruity aroma. Good fruity, somewhat tart flavor.
52. Cisco Brewers Dark Woods. Nice tart aroma. Quite good sour, fruity flavor.
53. Haverhill Brewery Leatherlips. Nice hoppy aroma. Good hoppy flavor. Light.
54. Haverhill Brewery Wisp of Smoke. Not much aroma. Good somewhat hoppy/smoky flavor.
55. Haverhill Brewery Ascension. Not much aroma. Good hoppy, slightly estery flavor.
56. Haverhill Brewery Beerstand '08 (Berliner weisse). Some tart aroma and flavor. Not very good.
57. Sixpoint Brewery Chanterelle Jones (made with chanterelle mushrooms). Not much aroma. Fairly good mushroomy, sweet flavor.
58. Sixpoint Brewery Red Viper. Decent aroma. Fairly good somewhat smoky flavor.
59. Sixpoint Brewery Ghost Face Saison (a gose). Good estery aroma. Pretty good fruity, spicy flavor.
60. Sixpoint Brewery Sour Strong Dark Rye. Good tart aroma. Pretty good tart, funky flavor.
61. Dogfish Head Black Thai (made with edamame, blackberries, and Thai basil). Fairly good somewhat roasty aroma. Unpleasant tart flavor.
62. Birrificio Le Baladin Nora Sour Edition 2005 (from Italy). Good fruity aroma. Fairly good fruity, tart flavor.
63. Birra del Borgo Rubis-Lamponi. Nice raspberry aroma. Good raspberry flavor.
64. Birra del Borgo Re Ale Extra. Nice fruity aroma. Good fruity flavor.
65. Allagash Victor Frankenstein. Major diacetyl.
66. Allagash 2006 Odyssey. Good aroma. Decent flavor.
67. Allagash Fluxus '07. Good honey-like, sweet aroma. Good sweet flavor.
68. Allagash Bourbon Black. Sweet, somewhat roasty aroma. Good woody, alcoholic, slightly roasty flavor.
69. Schmaltz Brewing Rejewvenator. Nice malty, hoppy aroma. Pretty good malty, hoppy flavor.
70. Schmaltz Brewing Coney Island Albino Python. Good spicy aroma. Quite good spicy flavor.
71. Schmaltz Brewing Coney Island Human Blockhead. Good malty, semi-hoppy aroma. Fairly good malty, slightly hoppy flavor.
72. Beer Works Hercules. Not much aroma. Fairly good spicy flavor.
73. Beer Works Cherry Bomb. Good fruity, tart aroma. Fairly good fruity, tart flavor.
74. Beer Works Belgian Quadrupel. Good somewhat malty/alcoholic aroma and flavor.
75. Boston Beer Co. Samuel Adams Wee Heavy. Fairly good smoky aroma and flavor.
76. Boston Beer Co. Samuel Adams Chocolate Chili Bock. Fairly good chocolate aroma and flavor.
77. Harpoon Leviathan Imperial Red. Good hoppy aroma. Nice hoppy flavor.
78. Smutynose Iced Maibock. Good sweet aroma. Fairly good sweet flavor.
79. Smutynose Oak G-Bock. Nice woody, somewhat malty aroma. Quite good woody, malty flavor.
80. Ommegang Biere de Mars (Brett added). Pretty good Bretty aroma and flavor.
81. Founders Spite Pepper Pale Ale. Peppery. Somewhat hot.
82. Founders Solid Gold. Nice hoppy aroma. Good hoppy flavor.
83. Founders Backwoods Bastard. Good woody aroma. Good very woody, somewhat alcoholic flavor.
84. Founders Russian Imperial Stout. Good sweet, alcoholic, somewhat roasty aroma. Fairly good somewhat roasty flavor.
85. Ithaca $5 Shake. Good unique aroma and flavor.

I honestly do not remember these people.

After the fest we stumbled to the hotel. I do not remember that at all, but my digital recorder has the three of us talking (Les and John) and yelling (me) on the walk back.

I also do not remember what went on in the hotel room, but I'm told that we drunk-dialed a few people, I ate an entire box of Wheat Thins and did some math problems in my head before passing out, and John and Les went to eat and drink at Jacob Wirth and Rock Bottom.

Sunday morning we checked out, retrieved our vehicle and drove to Mike's City Diner, encountering various douchebag drivers along the way. The line at the diner was out the door, just like last year. When two seats at the counter opened up, Les and I took them while John went off on his own quest for food. Les and I got served great omelettes in about five minutes. Meanwhile John didn't even get noticed by the sloths working at Dunkin' Donuts, so he gave up and went to 7-11 where he ate something truly horrible. I hope it was food.

On the way home we stopped in New Haven CT to visit John's friend Ryan. A friend of Ryan, Ian, joined us, and the five of us sampled some imperial stouts.

1. Goose Island 2007 Bourbon County Stout. Nice complex, alcoholic, chocolaty, sweet aroma and flavor.
2. Goose Island 2009 Bourbon County Stout. Quite good very alcoholic, somewhat chocolaty aroma and flavor.
3. 2007 Bourbon Barrel Stout (brewed by one of my homebrew clubs, CRABS). Nice sweet, woody, chocolaty aroma and flavor.
4. Avery 2006 Mephistopheles' Stout (16% ABV). Very nice chocolaty, alcoholic aroma. Very nice sweet, alcoholic, sherry flavor.
5. Three Floyds 2006 Dark Lord Russian Imperial Stout. Quite good roasty aroma that became more plummy and improved as it warmed. Quite good somewhat roasty, sweet, fruity, slightly sherry flavor.

Ryan showed us some neat stuff, including a robotic drill and a laser cutter. The drill could be programmed to sculpt just about anything. Here you see it poised to attack John.

We said good-bye and made the long journey back to Maryland. Travel was not as smooth as it had been on Friday because there was lots of traffic. I arrived home just before midnight, in good condition considering the 171 kinds of beer I had tasted over the weekend.